Break: The Final Chapter

Break is almost over! These days of sleeping in and relaxing all day are coming to an end. I know I didn't appreciate them enough and I'm gonna realize how lucky I was sometime next week, when I'm back to the studying routine and completely not used to it!

Surprisingly being home with the whole family wasn't as frustrating as I was afraid it would be. I'll admit I did spend most of my time with the people I prefer and was pretty good at avoiding the people that would annoy me. But I'm gonna justify that with the potential consequences that were averted!


I'm almost caught up with my friends in Dexter viewing...only 4 episodes left and then I'm done with the biggest task of my break! It's a great show and I'm really glad I started watching. It's an interesting concept and the dialogue is sharp. Also character development is incredible. I mean, REALLY incredible. What's amazing is not only how fully developed and life-like the characters are, but how well their growth is documented. You can watch a character unfold and then once you've gotten to know them, you can track their progress as they change. Relationships between characters evolve as they change and all of it happens so naturally..it really is something that amazes me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I just don't feel it anymore though. I guess after you reach a certain age it's not something that excites you anymore. Not that I'm really old or anything haha..I guess it's lost its appeal because different things excite me these days. It's not a bad thing I think. The one thing I do appreciate is talking to the people that made a difference in my life. It's great because I get to talk to people from all different parts of my life, so it's like reliving all of the positive memories all in a single day.

Tonight I'm spending NYE with the family. This is the first NYE the India family will be here for and I really want to spend time with them. I haven't really done much with them since I've been home so I want to make sure I spend some quality time with them before I go back to school. I've always spent new years with my family...I don't know. It just always seems like the best way to ring in the new year. I guess they're the people I'm the closest to and it seems so impersonal to hang out with anyone else.


I've been reading Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult. I haven't read anything by her yet so this is my first impression of her. It's a good one! I really like the story and how she captivates her audience. There some witchcraft and stuff like that in here...not things I'm usually into. But the way she's written the book, it's really a page-turner. I have a lot of pages left though and only like 2 days to read it all in! Ahhh! Plus I got the ultimate hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. I read the first book sometime last year but I need to read more. I figure I could probably get in one other book before the break is up. Man that's a lot to do: Salem Falls + Hitchhiker's + Dexter + 4 movies that I got with the siblings.

And with that I'm off! Happy NYE! =)

I'm baaack!

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted. I am really not doing a great job fitting this in with everything else in my life! And it's sad because I do miss writing regularly. I can feel the effects of it on my psyche. I really need to get my act together when I get back to school. I guess that's what break is for--to rejuvenate and reinvigorate.

So I finished my first semester of med school. It seems so strange that such a landmark has already been reached. I feel like I'm still getting used to holding the reins for such an important chapter in my life. By the time I grow accustomed to it and get the hang of it I think it'll be time to move on to rotations. I guess that's just how life works! It seems so strange to think I've already jumped a hurdle. I don't feel accomplished in the least, I really don't. I don't think I've done exceptionally or even made much of a difference in any grand way. I am learning a lot about things that interest me so that's good..but I don't know if any of it is having a lasting effect. It certainly doesn't seem like it. I guess this break is going to be good for me to reenergize. I think towards the end I was getting jaded by it all. I wasn't as excited by life and I wasn't as touched by things as I used to be. It's good to take a hiatus for a little while and reflect. It's what will allow me to continue with the same energy I had going in on day one.

One thing I've realized is that I really need to stay grounded. I need to keep my eyes on my goal obviously but I also need to keep track of the things that matter to me. I need to know what things are important to me and how to incorporate them into my life. I need to take care of my "mental health". I think I've been pretty good about that overall but there are some things that are slipping through the cracks. I think when I go back in January I need to stay focused on the aspects of life that matter most to me. That's what I did when I started med school and as my focus slipped, I started slipping away. I am really motivated to go back and keep myself in the game...in MY game. I have to remember that I set the rules and it's up to ME to play by them.

In lighter news, I've been watching Dexter. I am ADDICTED to it. I am halfway through the second season right now and it is seriously blowing my mind. It makes me think and actually the last few episodes have been making me kinda depressed. Maybe that's why I'm back on this blog..

Break is going well so far. I watched a lot of Dexter and I have been hanging out with my siblings. It's been nice to just relax and not having anything on my mind. Last night we watched Frost/Nixon. It was SO good! I love movies like that and it's been a while since I've seen a good one! Okay time to play Taboo yay!

Thanksgiving

I really love Thanksgiving--it's my favorite holiday. I think it's so important to express gratitude and love to those around you. It's so nice that there is a holiday dedicated to just that. I wish people (including myself) could express their emotions without being prodded to by a specific holiday but I guess this is still better than nothing.

Every year I write out letters to my closest friends expressing the appreciation and love I have for them. I seriously get such a high off of doing that. It's become a ritual and I can't imagine celebrating Thanksgiving without it. It's so important to me to let people know how I feel about them. I think too many things get left unsaid and I strive to say them all.

Break has really been in the spirit of Thanksgiving this year. There was an undertone of appreciation throughout the break. I guess it started with the letter writing on Wednesday night and then getting replies throughout the weekend. I really like being home and with the family. I appreciate the time I spend with them so much because lately I feel like I've been living in a bubble. I honestly think that is what makes med school hard--the isolation that goes along with it. I'm glad I was able to escape from that for a little while at least. It's nice to be able to spend some time with the people that knew me before I became such a 'med student'.

This morning I did some OMM on my grandmother because she was having pain in her upper back. I'm so glad I can use my skills to directly affect the lives of people I care about. It was when I was treating her back that I realized how much being a DO means to me. I know there's the whole MD vs DO debate but honestly it's all about the expression on the person's face after you've helped them. I am so glad that I know OMM. I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know if I will use it in my practice but I know I will be able to help my parents when they are old and help other people that are close to me. Those are the things that count anyway =)

I don't know what it is but something just feels right. I am really living life with my eyes wide open right now. I have never felt this way before. I always try to be a positive person and keep my optimism high but for the first time, it's effortless. I am loving life right now and I love who I have become. I am working on some things that are important to me and I can see progress. I hope this is something that I've cultivated over time and it won't disappear when life changes. All I know is in this moment I am happy..

Simple Times

Being home for Thanksgiving break right now is reminding me of the simple times. I don't consider my home a 'simple' place right now with so many people staying here. In fact, coming home has made me realize how much simpler my life is than my family's at this point. Sure I'm in med school but the thing is I have absolutely no responsibilities or obligations. Seeing how my parents are drained and still running around makes me feel something in my heart. I think I am living in a simple time compared to them.

It's interesting because just before I left to come home I was talking to one of my friends about how coming home brings us back to simpler times. When I come home and talk to my brother about high school I realize that I miss when life was that simple. When the biggest concern was becoming an executive board member of a club because "that would look good on college apps". I miss having life set out in front of me as a blank book that I could fill however I want. I miss being able to color outside the lines and getting only a tap on the wrist. I miss the times before I grew up. I don't even think my life is hectic right now but my mind has matured since those days. Most of the time it's a good thing but sometimes I wish I could go back to being as silly and careless as I was back then. I miss the innocence that goes along with being ignorant.

I guess that's why I make it a point to stay a kid in so many ways. I get loud when I am excited or happy and I will say what is on my mind without too much inhibition. I am an open book when it comes to expressing my feelings and thoughts (I guess the fact that I'm typing this out on a blog says all!). I can see the things growing up has done to my parents and in some ways I hope I never grow up. I'd rather get in trouble and deal with the consequences of being too "naive/innocent/childish" than be an adult that can't feel the same level of amazement and appreciation for the simple things.

For me, being in a simple time is about where your mind is. It's about how life can throw anything your way but you can still maintain a sunny outlook. You can break down the complex things and see the simple things for what they are...beautiful.

Reflections on School

When I stop and think about it I realize I am truly happy. I rarely get aggravated or upset. I'm never short-tempered. Nothing is really standing in my way right now. I can't remember the last time I felt down or disheartened. I am really at a point in my life where I understand my goals and responsibilities and I am working hard to achieve them. I am surrounded by good hearts and I am always connected to those that are further away. I can't remember ever feeling so at peace with life. It's odd...who would've thought this zen state would come during med school?!

I finished my 3 exams on Monday. Hopefully they went well. I know I worked hard and more importantly, I have figured out a way to work harder and do even better. My goals are set high and I don't see myself lowering them. I really like the stuff I'm learning about...even when I don't. I realize that seems like a paradox but what I mean is even the most uninteresting topics seem relevant in some way. The specialties I am not even considering still have applicability in whatever I end up doing and either way all of the material is enriching my knowledge. I can't say I'll retain most of it, but while I am learning it I am fascinated by it. Now if only I didn't get tested on it ;)

Anatomy lab is drawing to a close. We finished the limbs and we have moved on to dissecting the head. It is the most personal experience of lab. I think it's moving to look at our cadaver's face and think of how once upon a time that mouth was smiling and that nose was breathing and those eyes were seeing the world. It's an interesting experience to look at the cadaver and see it with a newly infused sense of life. I haven't really thought of it in this way since the first lab. The human aspect disappears when you're elbow deep in cadaver juice. But working on the face brought that back to the surface and I feel a connection with the cadaver. We found out that our cadaver actually had lung cancer and the cause of death was a cerebrovascular accident, or a stroke. That made me think because my first encounter with medicine was actually my grandfather's stroke back when I was in elementary/middle school. It was an emotional experience, finding out about the cadaver's cause of death and age. I think it really makes me appreciate life and how perfectly orchestrated everything really is. It's a beautiful thing.

Growing up

It's been a nice relaxing week. I think I let the calm of the storm (storm=impending exams) precede the torrents (torrents=completely unproductive stressful moments). I had a nice weekend--spent it hanging out with my friends and just relaxing. This week has got to be really productive though...3 exams on monday!I made a study schedule and I'm only one day behind (it started 1 day ago haha) but whatever....if I stay only one day behind I should be able to do pretty well!

Yesterday I was studying at Starbucks and a group of high schoolers walked in. The first thing I felt: old. I cannot believe how it feels like it was forever ago that I was so naive and excitable. I remember when I used to be like them and I can't get over how far removed I am from that state of mind. I grew up and I don't know when/how it happened! It was really something to see them sitting there and hanging out, obsessing over such stupid things. In some ways I miss being like that. I miss having little to do or care about in the world. I miss living in a bubble with my friends and getting worked up over such insignificant things. But there's some benefit to growth and as much as I miss those days, I would never go back. There's a new level of meaning in my life now. There's maturity and insight I gained that I wouldn't give up for the easy life.


Life is good =)

Marathon

Ahh these posts are so spread apart. I miss writing more regularly. I wish I could spend more time doing the things that matter most to me. I think I have to get better organized in life. There's a lot going on and I don't think I'm as organized as I ought to be in dealing with all of my responsibilities. And so then I end up being inefficient with how I spend my time and I end up neglecting things that matter. Note to self: get better at life!


So on Sunday I volunteered at the medical tents of the NYC marathon. It was an amazing experience. I am so glad I did it and I can't wait to do it again next year. I think the clinical exposure I got by working there was incredible. I saw how they managed a high volume of patients with limited resources. I even got the chance to disconnect IVs from the patients' arms. I spent half of the time working inside the acute care area of the tent, mainly taking vitals (and disconnecting IVs a couple of times!) I spent the rest of the time working at the finish line. I was scanning the crowd after they crossed to see if they needed to visit the medical tent or if they needed salt to ease their cramps. I felt like I was a part of something a lot larger than me and it was mindboggling. I even got to see the first place winners run through the finish line! I think overall it was a great experience, both medically and just in general. One of the things I noticed and was extremely moved by was the fact that the runners would always ask me my name when I helped them. They would ask me my name and then address me by it when they would thank me. It was amazing how touched they were by what little I did for them. I mean they were never going to see me again...who cares what my name is. But most of them did stop to ask and call me by it. That made my heart smile =)

Clearly after volunteering at the marathon I added a new life goal. I'm going to do a marathon one day! Seeing all of those people accomplish such an amazing feat really inspired me. One of the biggest motivators was just looking at the assortment of people running this thing. There were people who were not star athletes, people who were old, people who weren't exactly fit. If they could do it I don't have any excuse. Someday I will run (or walk haha) a marathon!

Okay that was a great break. Now on to more academic things...more later =)