Reflections on School

When I stop and think about it I realize I am truly happy. I rarely get aggravated or upset. I'm never short-tempered. Nothing is really standing in my way right now. I can't remember the last time I felt down or disheartened. I am really at a point in my life where I understand my goals and responsibilities and I am working hard to achieve them. I am surrounded by good hearts and I am always connected to those that are further away. I can't remember ever feeling so at peace with life. It's odd...who would've thought this zen state would come during med school?!

I finished my 3 exams on Monday. Hopefully they went well. I know I worked hard and more importantly, I have figured out a way to work harder and do even better. My goals are set high and I don't see myself lowering them. I really like the stuff I'm learning about...even when I don't. I realize that seems like a paradox but what I mean is even the most uninteresting topics seem relevant in some way. The specialties I am not even considering still have applicability in whatever I end up doing and either way all of the material is enriching my knowledge. I can't say I'll retain most of it, but while I am learning it I am fascinated by it. Now if only I didn't get tested on it ;)

Anatomy lab is drawing to a close. We finished the limbs and we have moved on to dissecting the head. It is the most personal experience of lab. I think it's moving to look at our cadaver's face and think of how once upon a time that mouth was smiling and that nose was breathing and those eyes were seeing the world. It's an interesting experience to look at the cadaver and see it with a newly infused sense of life. I haven't really thought of it in this way since the first lab. The human aspect disappears when you're elbow deep in cadaver juice. But working on the face brought that back to the surface and I feel a connection with the cadaver. We found out that our cadaver actually had lung cancer and the cause of death was a cerebrovascular accident, or a stroke. That made me think because my first encounter with medicine was actually my grandfather's stroke back when I was in elementary/middle school. It was an emotional experience, finding out about the cadaver's cause of death and age. I think it really makes me appreciate life and how perfectly orchestrated everything really is. It's a beautiful thing.

Rainy day blues

OH mann what a week! I have 2 exams coming up on Monday and I have been so busy cramming all week. Sadly the end is not even in sight yet. I feel like there is so much studying left to do and I'm getting through it so slowly and unproductively. I really hope I get my head on straight and get it all crammed into my head.

There were a couple of good things this week though:
1. I'm the vice president of my class! I ran unopposed so it's not that impressive but I think I'm awesome enough to have won anyway ;)

2. After studying at school one day I happened to leave at a perfect time to reach the beach for sunset. I watched the sun set over the water and it was such a soulful experience. I really needed that to unwind after a hectic time so it was absolutely perfect.

Yeah so that's it for the good news haha. It's a tough time in life right now. I feel overwhelmed by the work. I know I can handle it..I just made some bad judgments in the beginning of this module and I'm really paying for them now. I know I can NEVER cram like this again. I really have to stay on top of my work and keep my focus strong, especially now that I have so much more on my plate (I am, in effect, sharing plates with Joe Biden!).

I don't have time for more now but I just wanted to take a break from studying and post. More after the exam!

Nice Weekend Morning

Amazing moment in history yesterday: Matt Nathanson was on the radio! I was driving home for the weekend and I was listening to the radio and Matt Nathanson played! It was amazing. I just hope this isn't the point where he sells himself out. He's such a talented musician and he has a lot of heart in his music. I would hate for this to ruin that human touch he puts into all of his songs.

Every time I come home for the weekend it reminds me of how important it is to keep my inner peace intact. I guess my home is still the perfect place to get that peace snatched away from you. There's so many people, so many toes being stepped on, so many egos to protect. Every time my parents vent to me about what they put up with all I can think is: Find the happiness you are seeking within. I know it's obviously a lot easier for me to see that being so removed from the situation, but I really hope they can find that within themselves. It would make this stressful time in life a lot easier for them. They are putting up with a lot of pressures and they are tolerating a lot of things and it's no wonder that they get disheartened. I'm amazed at my dad's control and will power. He gets so frustrated with so many things that these relatives do but he is always able to control his tongue around them. I don't think he's ever said anything out of line randomly at them out of frustration. I admire that and I hope to be that strong in my life.

School's going really well. Right now I am on the fence in terms of honoring and passing. I may have honored the Intro course but I don't know yet because the lab grades haven't been factored in. It's not that serious but I really hope I did because that would be the perfect start to med school! If I didn't it's okay since I'm gonna be working harder next course anyway ;)

Today I'm gonna do a bunch of work because I slacked off last week (gimme a break, it was the end of a module!) and I'm gonna watch a movie with my brother. I think he still hasn't seen the hangover so we'll watch that. I'm excited...I haven't seen it since the screening in Philly! Man, I miss Philly. I think I'll always consider Philly my city. I know I went through this thought process before leaving Philly but there's a part of my heart that seriously goes out to Philly. I had no clue it would be like that when I was living there!

Mellow Yellow

So I've really gotten used to the whole swing of things. It amazes me how quickly I am able to adjust to a new environment, to a new lifestyle. And not just me--people in general. It doesn't take us very long to get used to doing something different in an entirely different place. Within a few weeks, we can redefine our entire lives and feel as though we had always been living this way. That's the point I'm at now.

Exams come and go (but they seem to come with a lot more intensity than they go with). I'm used to studying all the time and I'm doing well in my classes. My grades are pretty much where I want them to be. I have 3 major exam coming up Monday and I really need to work hard on those to honor this course. I know I can do it if I stick to my study plan for the weekend. We'll see how that goes!

I think friendship is seriously a big thing in med school. Without good, dependable friends to lean on it would be very difficult to get through all of the workload and stress in one piece. I'm glad I get along with my roommates and I have some awesome people to study with for the labs and stuff. It's really a good feeling knowing I'm not alone in this struggle. It's nice that there are people here that are hard-working and dedicated and just in it for the right reasons!

I've found that change comes a lot easier when you don't welcome it with a cold shoulder. Embracing change is really a big lesson that I learned here. Can't say that I won't be apprehensive again, but I definitely realize that I shouldn't be. As you can probably tell from this post, life is good =)

Routine

So it's been a while since I posted and now I'm officially 'used to' med school. If you ask me how things are, I can really answer "oh you know, the usual".

I've already had one major exam and one major quiz along with lots of smaller quizzes. We have at least 2 graded things each week, so things generally stay pretty busy. I mean, they would either way but now they're busy with a sense of urgency.

My favorite subject right now is definitely anatomy. I like the gross anatomy lab aspect of it and even just the subject itself. I love seeing things that are COMPLETELY relevant to body function on a grand scale. It's exciting to see the things I have been studying about for so many years. And I LOVE dissecting. I love using the scalpel and scissors and oh man if you throw a probe or forceps into the mix I am in heaven! Haha no but I really do enjoy it!

I am definitely getting used to the whole studying all the time routine. I definitely take my breaks and slack off when I need to. But overall I haven't really fallen behind at all and I'm able to keep up fairly easily. I can't ever take an entire day off though, or that would REALLY screw me up haha. It seems like it's so impossible to play catch up with the volume of information they are throwing at us. I don't know how I would manage if I didn't go to class everyday and do the designated work that evening. It would definitely be tougher!

I've met some people who seem nice..made a few study groups and study buddies. I am liking the whole group study thing because I find that it really helps me learn the material when I am able to explain it to someone else.

Alright well that's enough of an update! Back to studying for Monday's exam!