Break: The Final Chapter

Break is almost over! These days of sleeping in and relaxing all day are coming to an end. I know I didn't appreciate them enough and I'm gonna realize how lucky I was sometime next week, when I'm back to the studying routine and completely not used to it!

Surprisingly being home with the whole family wasn't as frustrating as I was afraid it would be. I'll admit I did spend most of my time with the people I prefer and was pretty good at avoiding the people that would annoy me. But I'm gonna justify that with the potential consequences that were averted!


I'm almost caught up with my friends in Dexter viewing...only 4 episodes left and then I'm done with the biggest task of my break! It's a great show and I'm really glad I started watching. It's an interesting concept and the dialogue is sharp. Also character development is incredible. I mean, REALLY incredible. What's amazing is not only how fully developed and life-like the characters are, but how well their growth is documented. You can watch a character unfold and then once you've gotten to know them, you can track their progress as they change. Relationships between characters evolve as they change and all of it happens so naturally..it really is something that amazes me!

Yesterday was my birthday. I just don't feel it anymore though. I guess after you reach a certain age it's not something that excites you anymore. Not that I'm really old or anything haha..I guess it's lost its appeal because different things excite me these days. It's not a bad thing I think. The one thing I do appreciate is talking to the people that made a difference in my life. It's great because I get to talk to people from all different parts of my life, so it's like reliving all of the positive memories all in a single day.

Tonight I'm spending NYE with the family. This is the first NYE the India family will be here for and I really want to spend time with them. I haven't really done much with them since I've been home so I want to make sure I spend some quality time with them before I go back to school. I've always spent new years with my family...I don't know. It just always seems like the best way to ring in the new year. I guess they're the people I'm the closest to and it seems so impersonal to hang out with anyone else.


I've been reading Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult. I haven't read anything by her yet so this is my first impression of her. It's a good one! I really like the story and how she captivates her audience. There some witchcraft and stuff like that in here...not things I'm usually into. But the way she's written the book, it's really a page-turner. I have a lot of pages left though and only like 2 days to read it all in! Ahhh! Plus I got the ultimate hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. I read the first book sometime last year but I need to read more. I figure I could probably get in one other book before the break is up. Man that's a lot to do: Salem Falls + Hitchhiker's + Dexter + 4 movies that I got with the siblings.

And with that I'm off! Happy NYE! =)

I'm baaack!

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted. I am really not doing a great job fitting this in with everything else in my life! And it's sad because I do miss writing regularly. I can feel the effects of it on my psyche. I really need to get my act together when I get back to school. I guess that's what break is for--to rejuvenate and reinvigorate.

So I finished my first semester of med school. It seems so strange that such a landmark has already been reached. I feel like I'm still getting used to holding the reins for such an important chapter in my life. By the time I grow accustomed to it and get the hang of it I think it'll be time to move on to rotations. I guess that's just how life works! It seems so strange to think I've already jumped a hurdle. I don't feel accomplished in the least, I really don't. I don't think I've done exceptionally or even made much of a difference in any grand way. I am learning a lot about things that interest me so that's good..but I don't know if any of it is having a lasting effect. It certainly doesn't seem like it. I guess this break is going to be good for me to reenergize. I think towards the end I was getting jaded by it all. I wasn't as excited by life and I wasn't as touched by things as I used to be. It's good to take a hiatus for a little while and reflect. It's what will allow me to continue with the same energy I had going in on day one.

One thing I've realized is that I really need to stay grounded. I need to keep my eyes on my goal obviously but I also need to keep track of the things that matter to me. I need to know what things are important to me and how to incorporate them into my life. I need to take care of my "mental health". I think I've been pretty good about that overall but there are some things that are slipping through the cracks. I think when I go back in January I need to stay focused on the aspects of life that matter most to me. That's what I did when I started med school and as my focus slipped, I started slipping away. I am really motivated to go back and keep myself in the game...in MY game. I have to remember that I set the rules and it's up to ME to play by them.

In lighter news, I've been watching Dexter. I am ADDICTED to it. I am halfway through the second season right now and it is seriously blowing my mind. It makes me think and actually the last few episodes have been making me kinda depressed. Maybe that's why I'm back on this blog..

Break is going well so far. I watched a lot of Dexter and I have been hanging out with my siblings. It's been nice to just relax and not having anything on my mind. Last night we watched Frost/Nixon. It was SO good! I love movies like that and it's been a while since I've seen a good one! Okay time to play Taboo yay!

Thanksgiving

I really love Thanksgiving--it's my favorite holiday. I think it's so important to express gratitude and love to those around you. It's so nice that there is a holiday dedicated to just that. I wish people (including myself) could express their emotions without being prodded to by a specific holiday but I guess this is still better than nothing.

Every year I write out letters to my closest friends expressing the appreciation and love I have for them. I seriously get such a high off of doing that. It's become a ritual and I can't imagine celebrating Thanksgiving without it. It's so important to me to let people know how I feel about them. I think too many things get left unsaid and I strive to say them all.

Break has really been in the spirit of Thanksgiving this year. There was an undertone of appreciation throughout the break. I guess it started with the letter writing on Wednesday night and then getting replies throughout the weekend. I really like being home and with the family. I appreciate the time I spend with them so much because lately I feel like I've been living in a bubble. I honestly think that is what makes med school hard--the isolation that goes along with it. I'm glad I was able to escape from that for a little while at least. It's nice to be able to spend some time with the people that knew me before I became such a 'med student'.

This morning I did some OMM on my grandmother because she was having pain in her upper back. I'm so glad I can use my skills to directly affect the lives of people I care about. It was when I was treating her back that I realized how much being a DO means to me. I know there's the whole MD vs DO debate but honestly it's all about the expression on the person's face after you've helped them. I am so glad that I know OMM. I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know if I will use it in my practice but I know I will be able to help my parents when they are old and help other people that are close to me. Those are the things that count anyway =)

I don't know what it is but something just feels right. I am really living life with my eyes wide open right now. I have never felt this way before. I always try to be a positive person and keep my optimism high but for the first time, it's effortless. I am loving life right now and I love who I have become. I am working on some things that are important to me and I can see progress. I hope this is something that I've cultivated over time and it won't disappear when life changes. All I know is in this moment I am happy..

Simple Times

Being home for Thanksgiving break right now is reminding me of the simple times. I don't consider my home a 'simple' place right now with so many people staying here. In fact, coming home has made me realize how much simpler my life is than my family's at this point. Sure I'm in med school but the thing is I have absolutely no responsibilities or obligations. Seeing how my parents are drained and still running around makes me feel something in my heart. I think I am living in a simple time compared to them.

It's interesting because just before I left to come home I was talking to one of my friends about how coming home brings us back to simpler times. When I come home and talk to my brother about high school I realize that I miss when life was that simple. When the biggest concern was becoming an executive board member of a club because "that would look good on college apps". I miss having life set out in front of me as a blank book that I could fill however I want. I miss being able to color outside the lines and getting only a tap on the wrist. I miss the times before I grew up. I don't even think my life is hectic right now but my mind has matured since those days. Most of the time it's a good thing but sometimes I wish I could go back to being as silly and careless as I was back then. I miss the innocence that goes along with being ignorant.

I guess that's why I make it a point to stay a kid in so many ways. I get loud when I am excited or happy and I will say what is on my mind without too much inhibition. I am an open book when it comes to expressing my feelings and thoughts (I guess the fact that I'm typing this out on a blog says all!). I can see the things growing up has done to my parents and in some ways I hope I never grow up. I'd rather get in trouble and deal with the consequences of being too "naive/innocent/childish" than be an adult that can't feel the same level of amazement and appreciation for the simple things.

For me, being in a simple time is about where your mind is. It's about how life can throw anything your way but you can still maintain a sunny outlook. You can break down the complex things and see the simple things for what they are...beautiful.

Reflections on School

When I stop and think about it I realize I am truly happy. I rarely get aggravated or upset. I'm never short-tempered. Nothing is really standing in my way right now. I can't remember the last time I felt down or disheartened. I am really at a point in my life where I understand my goals and responsibilities and I am working hard to achieve them. I am surrounded by good hearts and I am always connected to those that are further away. I can't remember ever feeling so at peace with life. It's odd...who would've thought this zen state would come during med school?!

I finished my 3 exams on Monday. Hopefully they went well. I know I worked hard and more importantly, I have figured out a way to work harder and do even better. My goals are set high and I don't see myself lowering them. I really like the stuff I'm learning about...even when I don't. I realize that seems like a paradox but what I mean is even the most uninteresting topics seem relevant in some way. The specialties I am not even considering still have applicability in whatever I end up doing and either way all of the material is enriching my knowledge. I can't say I'll retain most of it, but while I am learning it I am fascinated by it. Now if only I didn't get tested on it ;)

Anatomy lab is drawing to a close. We finished the limbs and we have moved on to dissecting the head. It is the most personal experience of lab. I think it's moving to look at our cadaver's face and think of how once upon a time that mouth was smiling and that nose was breathing and those eyes were seeing the world. It's an interesting experience to look at the cadaver and see it with a newly infused sense of life. I haven't really thought of it in this way since the first lab. The human aspect disappears when you're elbow deep in cadaver juice. But working on the face brought that back to the surface and I feel a connection with the cadaver. We found out that our cadaver actually had lung cancer and the cause of death was a cerebrovascular accident, or a stroke. That made me think because my first encounter with medicine was actually my grandfather's stroke back when I was in elementary/middle school. It was an emotional experience, finding out about the cadaver's cause of death and age. I think it really makes me appreciate life and how perfectly orchestrated everything really is. It's a beautiful thing.

Growing up

It's been a nice relaxing week. I think I let the calm of the storm (storm=impending exams) precede the torrents (torrents=completely unproductive stressful moments). I had a nice weekend--spent it hanging out with my friends and just relaxing. This week has got to be really productive though...3 exams on monday!I made a study schedule and I'm only one day behind (it started 1 day ago haha) but whatever....if I stay only one day behind I should be able to do pretty well!

Yesterday I was studying at Starbucks and a group of high schoolers walked in. The first thing I felt: old. I cannot believe how it feels like it was forever ago that I was so naive and excitable. I remember when I used to be like them and I can't get over how far removed I am from that state of mind. I grew up and I don't know when/how it happened! It was really something to see them sitting there and hanging out, obsessing over such stupid things. In some ways I miss being like that. I miss having little to do or care about in the world. I miss living in a bubble with my friends and getting worked up over such insignificant things. But there's some benefit to growth and as much as I miss those days, I would never go back. There's a new level of meaning in my life now. There's maturity and insight I gained that I wouldn't give up for the easy life.


Life is good =)

Marathon

Ahh these posts are so spread apart. I miss writing more regularly. I wish I could spend more time doing the things that matter most to me. I think I have to get better organized in life. There's a lot going on and I don't think I'm as organized as I ought to be in dealing with all of my responsibilities. And so then I end up being inefficient with how I spend my time and I end up neglecting things that matter. Note to self: get better at life!


So on Sunday I volunteered at the medical tents of the NYC marathon. It was an amazing experience. I am so glad I did it and I can't wait to do it again next year. I think the clinical exposure I got by working there was incredible. I saw how they managed a high volume of patients with limited resources. I even got the chance to disconnect IVs from the patients' arms. I spent half of the time working inside the acute care area of the tent, mainly taking vitals (and disconnecting IVs a couple of times!) I spent the rest of the time working at the finish line. I was scanning the crowd after they crossed to see if they needed to visit the medical tent or if they needed salt to ease their cramps. I felt like I was a part of something a lot larger than me and it was mindboggling. I even got to see the first place winners run through the finish line! I think overall it was a great experience, both medically and just in general. One of the things I noticed and was extremely moved by was the fact that the runners would always ask me my name when I helped them. They would ask me my name and then address me by it when they would thank me. It was amazing how touched they were by what little I did for them. I mean they were never going to see me again...who cares what my name is. But most of them did stop to ask and call me by it. That made my heart smile =)

Clearly after volunteering at the marathon I added a new life goal. I'm going to do a marathon one day! Seeing all of those people accomplish such an amazing feat really inspired me. One of the biggest motivators was just looking at the assortment of people running this thing. There were people who were not star athletes, people who were old, people who weren't exactly fit. If they could do it I don't have any excuse. Someday I will run (or walk haha) a marathon!

Okay that was a great break. Now on to more academic things...more later =)

Rainy day blues

OH mann what a week! I have 2 exams coming up on Monday and I have been so busy cramming all week. Sadly the end is not even in sight yet. I feel like there is so much studying left to do and I'm getting through it so slowly and unproductively. I really hope I get my head on straight and get it all crammed into my head.

There were a couple of good things this week though:
1. I'm the vice president of my class! I ran unopposed so it's not that impressive but I think I'm awesome enough to have won anyway ;)

2. After studying at school one day I happened to leave at a perfect time to reach the beach for sunset. I watched the sun set over the water and it was such a soulful experience. I really needed that to unwind after a hectic time so it was absolutely perfect.

Yeah so that's it for the good news haha. It's a tough time in life right now. I feel overwhelmed by the work. I know I can handle it..I just made some bad judgments in the beginning of this module and I'm really paying for them now. I know I can NEVER cram like this again. I really have to stay on top of my work and keep my focus strong, especially now that I have so much more on my plate (I am, in effect, sharing plates with Joe Biden!).

I don't have time for more now but I just wanted to take a break from studying and post. More after the exam!

New Year

Today is the first day of the new year according to the Hindu calendar. I wasn't able to go home for Diwali because of the amount of studying I need to do, but I am still able to celebrate it while I'm at school by keeping the spirit alive in my heart. I know it sounds corny but I don't know how to describe it without sounding like a Hallmark card..

So some good news--I honored the Intro module! Top 10% Babyyyyy! I was very excited when I found out and I got that boost I needed to sustain my motivation. All the effort is not going to waste! Well not that it would be going to waste considering I will be needing all of this information pretty much forever. But yeah, the gratification is cool haha!


Yesterday I went to see Where the Wild Things Are. It was a really good movie. It was a lot more serious than I thought it would be, definitely above the heads of all the cutie-pies in the theater. There was a lot of symbolism and metaphorical content that really made me appreciate the movie. I thought it was beautifully done. I especially liked the handling of the camera--some of the camera angles during certain scenes really set a mood or atmosphere for the movie. It was deep and thought-provoking. I really liked it and now I wanna reread the book haha..

I did a lot of reflecting and thinking yesterday. I think because it's Diwali and an opportunity to turn over a new leaf I had to be my normal self and overthink things haha. I did some writing to get some clarity and clarity was attained. I feel like I am refreshed mentally and emotionally and I am ready to face whatever challenges come my way this year. You hear that world? BRING IT!

Fresh Start to the Week

This is going to be a short week! I'm loving it. Starts on a Tuesday and ends Friday at noon. What more could I ask for!

I had such a relaxing weekend...I am back at school and ready to study! I think this past weekend was the perfect balance of work and play and this is what I should strive for every time I go home. I end up coming back completely refreshed and not completely behind. It's seriously perfect! Guess I found my new goal in life haha..

Last night I played darts and then watched Eurotrip with a couple of friends. It was really relaxing and I'm glad I had the time to do it. I found out that I'm pretty good at darts (it was my first time playing). It's not like I have any inherent talent at it, but I've got the hand-eye coordination and I can adjust precisely based on the previous throw. That counts for something I guess!

Driving back to LI yesterday was wonderful. I really like long drives (long can be anything more than 15 minutes in my book). There wasn't any traffic since it was Columbus day and I reached here in good time. I just love the feeling of driving down an open road. I love the metaphorical significance of it and I guess I'm corny because that's what I think of when I drive. Another reason I enjoy the drive back so much is because I've only made it once or twice before. It's still relatively new to me so my mind is still engaged. It's not a drive that I'm completely familiar with so there's still a little bit of excitement.

Alright time to get to that work I'm so pumped for! Later days =)

Friendships

It's amazing how you can lose touch with someone but if the relationship was a close one in the first place, how easy it is to rekindle. As you dig deeper with the person you realize how much you had in the first place. The time and distance traveled alone really attaches a value to the things you shared. You realize their worth and you realize how life would never be the same without them. Every person that enters our lives really does change us in some way. Sometimes it's a small change that can be overlooked or not even attributed properly. But sometimes that person changes your entire outlook on life. Those are the people that shape us and allow us to define who we are. Those are the people we should never let go.

Nice Weekend Morning

Amazing moment in history yesterday: Matt Nathanson was on the radio! I was driving home for the weekend and I was listening to the radio and Matt Nathanson played! It was amazing. I just hope this isn't the point where he sells himself out. He's such a talented musician and he has a lot of heart in his music. I would hate for this to ruin that human touch he puts into all of his songs.

Every time I come home for the weekend it reminds me of how important it is to keep my inner peace intact. I guess my home is still the perfect place to get that peace snatched away from you. There's so many people, so many toes being stepped on, so many egos to protect. Every time my parents vent to me about what they put up with all I can think is: Find the happiness you are seeking within. I know it's obviously a lot easier for me to see that being so removed from the situation, but I really hope they can find that within themselves. It would make this stressful time in life a lot easier for them. They are putting up with a lot of pressures and they are tolerating a lot of things and it's no wonder that they get disheartened. I'm amazed at my dad's control and will power. He gets so frustrated with so many things that these relatives do but he is always able to control his tongue around them. I don't think he's ever said anything out of line randomly at them out of frustration. I admire that and I hope to be that strong in my life.

School's going really well. Right now I am on the fence in terms of honoring and passing. I may have honored the Intro course but I don't know yet because the lab grades haven't been factored in. It's not that serious but I really hope I did because that would be the perfect start to med school! If I didn't it's okay since I'm gonna be working harder next course anyway ;)

Today I'm gonna do a bunch of work because I slacked off last week (gimme a break, it was the end of a module!) and I'm gonna watch a movie with my brother. I think he still hasn't seen the hangover so we'll watch that. I'm excited...I haven't seen it since the screening in Philly! Man, I miss Philly. I think I'll always consider Philly my city. I know I went through this thought process before leaving Philly but there's a part of my heart that seriously goes out to Philly. I had no clue it would be like that when I was living there!

21 guns--Greenday

This is an amazing song. I think it is so complex, with multiple levels of meaning and interpretations. I see it as a protest against war, specifically Iraq. I think Green Day is expressing grief over the meaningless loss of lives in this effort. The necessity for this war is questionable and the rationale is porous. This flawed attempt at bringing peace and democracy to a people has had a huge toll and the song deals with the concept of weighing the costs and the benefits. Whether or not the entire effort seems heroic or romantic means nothing to the family of the fallen soldier.

Another interpretation of the song would be seeing it as a breakup. When an important person leaves your life it is a drastic change. Even if it is for the best in the long run, there is an immediate misery attached to a breakup. I think the feelings addressed in this song when applied to the breakup situation are extremely powerful and thought-provoking. The idea of the mind breaking the spirit of the soul is absolutely stunning. The stanza about burning down the house and the home to live on your own is another touching one. I think it's amazing how well the lyrics depict the trouble of starting off with a clean slate. When you have to remove a person from your life there are a lot of strings that must be severed. That person has a connection to so many aspects of your life and every aspect that was touched is changed in some way after the breakup. Things that seem meaningless and so removed from the person actually end up being an unexpected source of memories. And so to purge your life of that person, you end up destroying most of what you have. That is such a haunting concept.

Hope

More than anything, the world needs hope right now. Hope is one of the greatest treasures we have in our possession. We have the power to change an entire situation based on our perspective. The way we see things can shape the outcome of things in our lives. The best things happen to those who have a positive outlook; the ones who rise to the top are those that believe in their abilities and their ambitions. So let go of your doubts, hope for the best, and soar like only you can. How long are you going to keep the world waiting?

Beautiful morning

It didn't look like it would be, but it's a beautiful morning. The sun is shining brightly and the air is crisp. It's the kind of morning you see in the movies, complete with freshly squeezed orange juice and some peaches from the tree out back. Mornings like these make life worth living. There is NOTHING as calming and peaceful as the birth of a new day. As I drove to school this morning I noticed the sunlight coming down in rays between the leaves of the trees. There was a slight breeze that came in through the open windows of my car. It was a beautiful drive in. I need to appreciate things like this more. It is really these moments that define our lives and we are free to close our eyes or open them in all directions at the same time (dcfc).

Mellow Yellow

So I've really gotten used to the whole swing of things. It amazes me how quickly I am able to adjust to a new environment, to a new lifestyle. And not just me--people in general. It doesn't take us very long to get used to doing something different in an entirely different place. Within a few weeks, we can redefine our entire lives and feel as though we had always been living this way. That's the point I'm at now.

Exams come and go (but they seem to come with a lot more intensity than they go with). I'm used to studying all the time and I'm doing well in my classes. My grades are pretty much where I want them to be. I have 3 major exam coming up Monday and I really need to work hard on those to honor this course. I know I can do it if I stick to my study plan for the weekend. We'll see how that goes!

I think friendship is seriously a big thing in med school. Without good, dependable friends to lean on it would be very difficult to get through all of the workload and stress in one piece. I'm glad I get along with my roommates and I have some awesome people to study with for the labs and stuff. It's really a good feeling knowing I'm not alone in this struggle. It's nice that there are people here that are hard-working and dedicated and just in it for the right reasons!

I've found that change comes a lot easier when you don't welcome it with a cold shoulder. Embracing change is really a big lesson that I learned here. Can't say that I won't be apprehensive again, but I definitely realize that I shouldn't be. As you can probably tell from this post, life is good =)

Post-exam relief!

Good morning! It really is...I got to sleep in today. Yesterday was my exam, I think it went well! And then last night I went out with some friends and had a nice time getting to know people. And then I came back to my place where there were a bunch of people over, dancing and playing beer pong. Didn't get to sleep until around 2:30 but that's not a problem when I don't have class until 1 =)

Yesterday we had our white coat ceremony in the afternoon. SO boring! I can't believe I had to sit through that. And what made is worse was the fiasco with trying to find my car in the parking lot afterwards. I walked around the entire campus trying to see where my car was! It was RIDICULOUS. I was so tired by then end of that. My feet still hurt today!

I went shopping yesterday after the exam and finally bought a belt! (yay weight loss haha) It was long overdue and I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about pulling my pants up all the time now. Ah relief comes in so many forms!

So I read an interesting article on NYTimes. It was an insight on T.R. Reid's book about his stiff shoulder injury and seeing how it would be treated in 10 different countries of the world. It seems especially interesting because he is well-versed in health policy, so his comments and opinions would be educated and well-supported. He used to be a foreign correspondent for the Washington Post so he's had plenty of overseas exposure. If I had more time to read leisurely right now I would definitely want to pick that up. It seems like my kind of book! Oh well, that's what Thanksgiving break is for =)

So the kids from India started school last week. They like it so far, but I'm wondering how much they really understand. They say they understand when the teacher talks and everything. Hopefully that's true. Either way, I gave my brother a nice long lecture about being a big brother. Since he was always the youngest he never really had to watch over anyone or teach anyone anything so it's interesting to see that develop in him.


US OPEN! Ah! I actually didn't get to watch the finals because I had the stupid white coat ceremony but I did watch the Federer-Djokovic semi-finals. If the finals was anything like that it'll be an intense match to watch! I was so sad that Federer lost. I really respect Federer's game. I think he has so much talent and from his interviews and on-court behavior, he really seems like a nice guy. I don't sense too much of an ego, and for someone at that level to remain humble and modest, that's really something. And just from the way he plays---you can tell he LOVES the game. I think it's a beautiful thing, watching him play. It sucks that he lost yesterday but I still love him =)

And finally! STEPHEN COLBERT IS BACK =D Alright now it's time to get ready for school (I love that I'm typing this at 11 am hahaha)

In Your Wedding Dress--Matt Nathanson

I just listened to this song last night and it really made me think. I can't believe how beautifully sad it is. The emotions in this song are so incredible. My interpretation is a guy who is about to get married to a girl he doesn't want to commit to. It may not even be the girl he wants to push away, but the commitment itself. "Even at my best, I want to let go."

There is something very universal about this song. Knowing that there is something you should be doing but being so afraid to do it, even though it's what's "right". Our individuality is such a frail thing and to commit to someone in any way requires surrendering that individuality to some extent. You lose yourself in a relationship while you are trying to find the connection with the other person. I think the best relationships are the ones where there is something deep connecting the two that somehow that brings both of the people involved to a deeper understanding of themselves. I think finding a new dimension of yourself is an important aspect of being in a serious relationship.

Matt Nathanson is really an amazing musician. I am so impressed by the complexity of this song and how beautifully it was written and performed. It breaks my heart to hear him sing this...it really is a touching song.

Routine

So it's been a while since I posted and now I'm officially 'used to' med school. If you ask me how things are, I can really answer "oh you know, the usual".

I've already had one major exam and one major quiz along with lots of smaller quizzes. We have at least 2 graded things each week, so things generally stay pretty busy. I mean, they would either way but now they're busy with a sense of urgency.

My favorite subject right now is definitely anatomy. I like the gross anatomy lab aspect of it and even just the subject itself. I love seeing things that are COMPLETELY relevant to body function on a grand scale. It's exciting to see the things I have been studying about for so many years. And I LOVE dissecting. I love using the scalpel and scissors and oh man if you throw a probe or forceps into the mix I am in heaven! Haha no but I really do enjoy it!

I am definitely getting used to the whole studying all the time routine. I definitely take my breaks and slack off when I need to. But overall I haven't really fallen behind at all and I'm able to keep up fairly easily. I can't ever take an entire day off though, or that would REALLY screw me up haha. It seems like it's so impossible to play catch up with the volume of information they are throwing at us. I don't know how I would manage if I didn't go to class everyday and do the designated work that evening. It would definitely be tougher!

I've met some people who seem nice..made a few study groups and study buddies. I am liking the whole group study thing because I find that it really helps me learn the material when I am able to explain it to someone else.

Alright well that's enough of an update! Back to studying for Monday's exam!

Remember me?!

Once again, I contemplated giving this up haha. Things get so hectic and it's hard to squeeze in time for everything I want to do! Sooo after a whole 21 years of anticipation, I'M AT MEDICAL SCHOOL! It's awesome to finally be where I've been wanting to be for so long!

I'm really liking it here. The area is beautiful and the campus is very pretty. There are a lot of trees and a lake and A LOT OF TREES! Near my apartment there's the beach and it's all residential so it's a nice area to live in. I have class generally the entire day from 9-5. We get a lunch break from 12-1 so that's usually nice (obviously to get some studying in haha!) We have a major exam coming up Monday (come to think of it, I'm probably typing this now so I can avoid studying for it..oh well)

(ahh why is there candy corn in that picture?! I don't even like candy corn!)
So news in my life...I WENT TO SEE THE COLBERT REPORT TAPING!!! It was AMAZING! Seriously, one of the best experiences of my life! He was so nice and funny and charming. There is something so amazing about him. I don't know. All I know is I'm obsessed. He shook my hand and gave me a high five. The entire taping I wasn't able to pay attention to the stuff he was saying; I was just distracted by staring at his face. I'd laugh when other people laughed. The interview the day I went was Ang Lee. He seemed like a nice guy! Overall it was a GREAT experience! I hope I get the chance to go again at some point in the future but I'm so grateful that I was able to go once!!

So, being at medical school has triggered a lot of reform ideas in my mind. The system has its flaws and I hope when I am in academic medicine I am able to help fix it, at least a little. I find that some of the professors (and I think this is a universal thing) are still testing us as if we are undergrads. The stupid rote memorization of meaningless facts that we're going to forget an hour after the exam is not the path to becoming a great physician. A good one maybe but not great. I think the very thing that defines brilliance in the field is thinking analytically. The doctors that amaze me are the ones who can connect seemingly unrelated ideas or symptoms and get a cohesive picture out of it. I think those are the skills we should be learning right now, not necessarily every enzyme in some pathway. I guess I've always been a conceptual learner and the memorization bit seems to be getting old after so many years. And what's funny is that most professors will even say that we need to think about the big picture and see things in perspective, and yet they will test us on the details! It doesn't make sense! I think that's an issue that I really want to have changed and when it's in my hands, I will do something about it.

The coolest thing about medical school is anatomy. We have started dissecting and we've already gotten to the point where we take out the lungs and heart. It's pretty cool. And I learned that I am ambidextrous when it comes to using a scalpel! I like to learn anatomy (even outside the gross gross lab) because it just makes sense. You can see the function of the things you are memorizing and it all comes together when you think about the human body's needs. I find it interesting and plus, it's just SO much fun dissecting haha!

Actually I've found that a lot in my reaction to things--I really like when things all fit in together nicely. When we're taught things that make sense in a larger scale it's always satisfying. I don't think I dislike any subject just because the way it's taught, it's all relevant. We're not being lectured on things that won't affect us AT ALL. I mean granted this education isn't gonna get me far as a doctor, but at least the things we are learning about will be encountered by one of the student doctors in my class. So it's all relevant to some extent. Even the most obscure things don't seem like a waste of time, just because at some point in someone's life, that one obscure thing may be everything.

One of my strongest motivations to study right now is the idea of future patients. Everything I am learning is not about the grades or about me. It won't matter what specialty I go into because I will be touching people's lives no matter what. I want to learn as much as possible because someday people are going to be putting their lives in my hands. I need to be prepared to deal with that responsibility and so I am not okay with just passing. I just want to try my hardest to do the best I possibly can and not settle for less because 'it's still passing'. There's a higher responsibility right now and the focus has shifted away from me.

It's weird being away from home with so many people living there. Whenever I call home I usually only talk to my mom or my siblings. It's not often that I talk to any of the other relatives. But last night when I called my aunt really wanted to talk to me. It's so nice to remember that I have such a huge support system at home. It's easy to forget that when I'm caught up in the day to day activities here but I have to make it a point to remember.


My sister leaves for college on Sunday! I can't believe she's already going! It's kinda crazy to think of how old I am--in terms of age, education, place in life. It's nice that I'm able to give her some advice on things I learned along the way. Hopefully she can learn things an easier way because of that. I know we all have our own burdens to carry and obstacles to overcome but it's nice when we're able to help each other out along the way. I know she will be fine and hopefully she knows it too! I remember when I left home for the first time...the anticipation seriously sucked more than anything. Once I was at school and made friends, within a week I was happy where I was. But man, the days leading up to the big move can be so tough! I guess it's all part of the learning process.

Speaking of learning process, it's been great posting again and I think I'm gonna stick to doing it as a release. It's nice to be able to reflect and write out how I feel about things. Especially because the people I've become friends with here still don't know me as well and there's things that I wouldn't tell them yet. So it's nice to have this outlet and I'm regretting not having considered it in the past two weeks! Ah well, time to get back to my studying! Carpe diem =)