Newfound Clarity

Dreams can sometimes serve as a revelation. The dream I had last night was a big push in the direction I need to start moving. I realized some things about myself and my future that I can now work with to get where I need to be. I think I have taken the first step in getting over my ex. The distractions of fear and uncertainty have been dispelled and with new-found clarity, I can see a future. I guess that's what really needs to happen to allow you to move on. You need to become confident that you will have a future and that it will be happy. I guess I hadn't fully done that before. I always knew everything would turn out okay but I didn't REALIZE it. I don't even know if there's any difference between me knowing and me realizing (except that the latter deserves capitalization) but who cares. Now that I feel more confident about it, I am in a better place.

I was thinking about friendships when I was laying in bed this morning. I really am amazed at how precious and special friendships are. And also at how powerless we are in forming or abandoning friendships. Some of my friendships have been victims of circumstance whereas others have really been tested but managed to survive. I don't understand how that happens but it's definitely something I find worth thinking about. There's so many people in this world and somehow we are always surrounded by the ones that are just perfect for us at that time in our lives. There are some people that I have known for years and then randomly, one day, a friendship is forged. Why that moment? Why not the countless moments that preceded or followed that one moment? It's remarkable how perfectly orchestrated everything is when you look at it with the clarity of hindsight.

I'm someone who fights for things I want or believe that I deserve. I really do speak my mind. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I wasn't as aggressive about my relationships and desires in general. I think my stress would go down and I wouldn't be as emotionally involved in things. I don't know if I would be happy though. There's pros and cons to both traits and I guess I've adjusted to mine to a point where I can't even fathom what my life would be like if I wasn't like this. Oh well, as long as I'm happy right?

Okay my stomach just grumbled and I think that's my cue to stop writing for now! Maybe I'll write a story or a poem or something later! Carpe diem =)